Ah, here we go. My oldest just turned into the double digits age 10, and with that has come a phrase I know will be repeated many times in the future… “I know that Mom!” This phrase can come with or without an eye roll or a sound of disgust as my daughter is evolving right before my eyes. A copy of the book by communication specialist Deborah Tannen sits on my office bookcase as a reminder as to why this phrase rolls of her tongue so easily! The book “You’re Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in conversation” really opened my eyes.
In a nutshell it emphasizes that anything I say is usually interpreted by her that I’m trying to criticize or tell her what to do; that I’m judging her in some way. Of course this isn’t the intention, but it’s the implication of what I say. It doesn’t matter if it’s something simple like “don’t forget to use a coaster on that wooden table” or “did you double check that you have your dance shoes in your bag before we head to the studio” she is interpreting my mom reminders as nagging her about things she already knows. It’s just the beginning I know, as I think many girls go through this stage. I certainly remember my teenage years when I thought I “knew it all” (I’m now rolling my eyes at myself!)
What I do want my daughters to know is that anything I say to them is out of love, protection and safety for them. I don’t want to judge, I just want to keep them safe and provide them with a framework to make good choices every day. I’m proud of both of my daughters as they know how to speak up for themselves at a young age! Double digit age came so quickly, and I’m not sure I can handle the sweet sixteen in the future.
One day at a time over here….as I’m sure you all “know!”
